Rebooting...the Three Stooges?!?!

Too early for April Fools? Variety reports today that MGM and the Farrelly Brothers have found one of their three stooges - Sean Penn is reportedly a lock. Negotiations are underway with Jim "Curly" Carrey and Benicio "Moe" Del Toro.

I just don't get it. Sure, "there are no new ideas" as the tired saying goes, but there's more to storytelling than simple regurgitation! Look at the success of comic book writers Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman and Grant Morrison. All take popular concepts and stir them together, resulting in something that engages a reader with familiarity but at the same time feels like a fresh story.

Hollywood has given up on fresh and new, instead settling for a tired, limp rehashing of once fond memories. With nothing but pointless remakes like Robocop and Predator on the horizon, I have to wonder where will the Robocops and Predators of the next generation come from? Read more!

I hate you Comcast

Comcast finally encrypted the OnDemand content in the Denver area. For years you've been able to use a QAM tuner in modern digital TVs to do a lot of the same work as a Comcast Digital Receiver. Living in a dense urban area, this gave me access to a lot of paid programming for free. Now it's been locked up, and I sure am sorry to see it go.

I paid Comcast $13.29 a month for all the networks in HD, plus I got digital Bravo, WGN and TBS. I got a couple ghosty analog channels, including Food, SciFi and VH1 (Rock of Love! WHoooo!) In addition, the OnDemand content was typically 2-6 programs at any time with up to 10-15 on Friday and Saturday night.

Most new releases play 5-10 times the week they come out. I use Netflix for older content, but the chance to catch Zack & Miri a dozen times for free, or check out Baby Momma, Choke or Milk and decide I don't need to rent them was totally awesome. Bill Maher is also popular in my neighborhood. Every Friday somebody in my neighborhood watches The Soup on E! which I love. Every Sunday we'd see "SoftPornoGuy" checking out some Skinimax - fast forwarding,rewinding and...pausing (Ew).

Now, Comcast raised the rate to $14.99 and added no services, plus encrypted all the OnDemand content. The starting tier at which just the crappy free Comcast OnDemand is available costs $56. The starting HD package runs $130. Conversely, HD OTA is free, meaning I now pay Comcast almost $20 a month for a few crappy basic cable channels.

I understand I'm not a "good" customer from Comcast's point of view. I just don't see the value in paying for their huge bundles of services. I only use about 20% of what Comcast charges for. Why pay for 400 channels of SD crap just to get to the HD tier? I'm very sorry to see such a good thing go. Read more!

Settlers of Catan

Wired Magazine has a great article about German board game Settlers of Catan. I was introduced to the game only last year, but it has been a board game phenomenon since its 1995 release.

I've been a big fan of strategy board games, ever since I got hooked on Supremacy as a teen. A game of global domination via war similar to Risk, with the addition of a market system for resources, Supremacy still loosely falls into the category of games defined as zero sum. Monopoly is the classic example cited in the article, "for me to win $100 you have to lose $100". Settlers of Catan set out to engage all players on every turn, even those who are falling behind.

One of the great things about Supremacy was the market system for resources, which featured the price of goods going up and down each turn leading to bidding wars and battles over resources. Similarly, Settlers of Catan deliberately limits access to necessary resources, and encourages trading on every turn. Catan incorporates 5 resources (to Supremacy's three) and requires varied resources to build critical infrastructure. Most likely each player will be short on one or two resources, making trading critical for success and with an influx of resources with each die roll, players are all kept engaged in play.

I was inspired by the Wired article to seek out a place to play Settlers of Catan right away! The easiest platform was on XBOX Live. Catan retails for 800 Microsoft points ($10) compared to $25 for the board game. It supports 3 and 4 player online play via XBOX Live, and I was able to find several full games on Sunday afternoon. Catan on XBOX also supports leaderboards and achievements, for a little added value. The video version can't replace the experience of setting up the board and sitting with a table of friends, but works OK for those who want instant gratification or can't scare up a gaming group.

I really can't recommend Settlers of Catan more highly. It delivers deep strategy that's still accessible to new players, and balances play so that any skill level stands a chance of winning a game. Wired calls it "the Mona Lisa of the board game renaissance". Check out the article in their April 2009 issue. Read more!

Andrew Martin, Test

Today would have been Andrew Martin's 34th birthday. It would have been, but Andrew died in his apartment last Friday. Detectives found painkillers and steroids in the apartment, and toxicology tests are forthcoming. Two years ago Andrew said in an interview, "I just turned 32-years-old and went to eight funerals. As bad as it may sound, it made me open my eyes and take my foot out the grave. I don't want to join that club. Either you clean up and straighten up, or lay down beside them."

Martin had struggled with fame, first when he lost out to Triple H in a high profile angle with Stephanie McMahon, sending Test back to the mid-card after flirting with main events in 1999. Politics prevented Test from getting his follow up feud, due to Stephanie's real life relationship with Triple H. At the time Martin was only 25.

Martin was tall, fit and had a good look but struggled with character pieces and mic work. He continued to work hard, but being that tall is tough in pro wresting and by fall 2004 he turned to WWE's famous Dr. Llyod Youngblood for spinal fusion surgery. Of course Dr. Youngblood also performed on Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero. Andrew Martin was on the injured list when WWE gave him his release.



Finding little work in the American independent scene, Martin arranged to return to WWE in spring of 2006, working in the new ECW on SciFi. Test again flirted with the main event, working opposite rookie champion Bobby Lashley, but his momentum stalled and he never won a match. In Feb 2007 Martin was suspended for violation of the WWE drug policy and asked for his release.

A brief run in TNA Wrestling during the second half of 2007 proved especially troubling. Martin had put on considerable muscle with the use of steroids, and along with his weakened back, his mobility was limited. His cardio was suffering and his performances did not go over well. He was released after only one month. Martin was arrested for DUI September 14, 2007 and again on April 5, 2008. In December 2007 Andrew Martin announced he would retire from professional wrestling.

This is a story told time and time again in wrestling. After working in the business, what's a guy to do? Wrestling skills really don't transfer into other industries and most guys end up broke and aimless after leaving the ring. It's especially sad, because Andrew Martin was only 33 years old. I don't understand why our communities allow these performers to be ground under the boot of pro wrestling and then tossed aside. I expect it has something to do with a perception that wrestling is "fake" and therefore easy.

The world of professional wrestling is grueling and brutal and typically leads to an early grave. Is that the life we want, for these performers we love so much? As a fan, I'd rather see fewer shows if the result is longer careers. I understand that higher salaries draw better talent, and then the company runs more shows to pay all the salaries, and the system becomes a cycle. I just hope the industry can wake up and change, because so many young men are dying.

I remember when Test debuted as Motley Crue's roadie way back in 1998. He turned me off at first, but won me over with his hard work and obvious love for the sport. I'm very sorry to see him go. Read more!

Watchmen Movie a disappointment

I was really disappointed by the Watchmen movie. It felt soulless and cheap, coated in too much gloss and splattered blood. I really wonder what Snyder thought was the point of the book. What were the main themes and issues posed by the text? Then, what did he think the movie Watchmen was about? To me, it seemed like it was about nothing.

Snyder seems to be charmed by "pretty pictures" and doesn't have much sense of story. The first act of the movie rushed by in a blur, while the final act in Adrian's fortress plodded and stalled. Snyder chose actors who might be able to strike a pose for promotional stills, but had no ability to convey the complex emotions in the text.



Matthew Goode was laughable as Ozymandias. Striking a girlish pose with his huge head and long nose made him immediately identifiable in the opening scene with the Comedian. Malin Ackerman's pretty I guess, but she couldn't hold up the dramatic scenes and she had no physical presence. Her attempts to look bad ass while fighting were totally embarrassing. Only the awesome acting by Haley brought any real feeling in to the picture. Rorschach was the highlight for me. Otherwise, I was never engaged. Just watching shit fly by.

The movie is a crazy subversion of a subversive text - dragging the Watchmen into just the kind of cheesy Hollywood production that the book was originally a reaction against. Snyder used ridiculous music cues like 99 Luftballoons and Boogie Man instead of Neighborhood Threat or The Comedians, both referenced in the novel. Plus, the use of Valkyries was tasteless and hackneyed, especially compared to its use in the novel, "the saddest thing" Hollis Mason can think of. Finally, the movie was full of over-the-top graphic violence and sequences that made violence sexy.



Watchmen was a book that challenged the notion that fighting is glorious. Violence tears up the lives of every single character. Issue 11 is full of mounting tension and the threat of violence. With Manhattan gone the world is on the brink of war, and in NYC a domestic squabble sparks a riot in the streets, all intertwined with the grisly twist ending to The Black Freighter and Adrian's description of his "plot to put an end to war, an end to fighting." That's what had driven the Comedian over the edge! Then as the cops roll into the square...boom.


Where was the tension in Act 3 of the movie? It was just the few characters in Adrian's arctic fortress, rolling around like buffoons in capes. Totally lifeless. At the end, how was the viewer supposed to feel? The final issue of the book begins with absolute carnage. Panel after panel, panning over the faces of all these characters you had come to know. Bodies hanging from windows and in piles in front of Madison Square Garden. The deaths in the film were antiseptic, bright blue flashes of CGI that supposedly wiped out...oh some number of people. The movie just sort of limped into an epilogue, with little sense of drama.


In one of the most important scenes in the book, Jon tells Adrian he's going off to create life of his own. Adrian says, "I did the right thing, didn't I? It all worked out in the end." Jon replies, "'In the end?' Nothing ends Adrian. Nothing ever ends." Who does Zach Snyder give that important line to? Yeah, Malin f'ing Ackerman.


Read more!